Words To My Younger Self

Life didn't come with Manual for you,

but you were too young to understand,

you were too young to understand that you weren't perfect,

too naive to understand that the perfection you were chasing for was unattainable.

You were bound to make mistakes, bound to not always act as expected,

but you were too young to understand life, even though you thought you mastered it.

but baby, book smart isn't street smart.

You had to make those mistakes, you had to fall really hard to get here today,

you were too foolish to believe that you'll ever fit in with everyone,

you cared too much for the world, you thought you could safe everyone,

but baby, you were not sent here to be a hero.

You were too young to understand why you thought differently,

why you were different,

your little mind did not understand that you are special, a rare being,

baby, only growth taught you that.

You had no rules as to how to live life,

so you maneuvered your way seeking approval, fitting in,

and going the extra the mile to keep people when you had to let go,

you tried, yet somehow you didn't understand why you had to try so hard,

you just failed to understand, you were meant to always stand out from the rest.

You weren't really rational or self aware,

you were just a little girl,

who did dumb things you weren't suppose to because you thought that was the right thing,

You were a Disney child,

so you did what the shows portrayed,

acted like you were in a movie.

but you were too naive, maybe a bit too scared to live in your reality

but baby you had to.

So you made mistakes, so many of them,

which you hated yourself for, every time.

unfortunately you were your biggest critic, you fought yourself too much.

Maybe you only did that, so it wouldn't hurt so much when people did,

but that never made it hurt any less.

But, hey..

I don't despise you for your mistakes,

and I wish I could go back to tell you that

you need to give yourself a break and let life happen,

I wish I could tell you, to not let anyone make you feel any less than you are,

I wish I could tell you, that I still haven't reached perfection, that not everyone loves me,

and that most still don't understand or accept me

but mostly

I wish I could I tell you to never let anyone make you despise you.

I wish you knew that those mistakes you made, the decisions you made,

whatever crazy thing you did is why I am here.

I needed that, I need life to happen exactly like it happened,

I needed you to mess up, to overachieve, to care, to be crazy, I needed everything,

everything to be exactly where I am today.

and I wish I could tell you, that I wouldn't change anything, not a single mistake or action

because then I wouldn't have been here

wouldn't have been a writer,

and wouldn't have grown the way I did.

Life played, the way it should because

"Allah is the best of all planners"

You are only human, full of joy,

an oversensitive, overemotional, brilliant and crazy little kid,

You survived,

the journey was only harder because you never accepted who you are,

and that,

thats what changed.

You still care too much, you are still an overemotional, sensitive, brilliant and crazy little kid,

but you are self aware, a bit more rational, conscious of reality and above all,

you accept who you are,

and you are open to change to give way to who you are becoming.

You survive little warrior.