I'm not one that goes out alone a lot, I am quite codependent on my family,
to a certain extent thats good because I do have a pretty good and close bond with my siblings but independency is the goal,
isn't independency needed in growth? and
how long can one stay dependent on others in such an independent changing world.
Independency, self control and discipline is essential in growth,
at least thats what I believe,
yet I struggle,
sometimes, I know what I want, I believe in it and go for it.
But when you are raised in an extended family,
taught to always do things together, eat together, converse and make decisions together.
It becomes your norm, and changing to another normal routine becomes hard.
A-times I struggle with making the smallest choices, like what do I want to eat when I am not eating meals with my siblings,
the struggle of going shopping and wanting input on what color I want, and the need to always want be out with someone.
Yes deciding when I'm giving options is hard,
how do I know I am making the right choice?
how do I know my decision is right ?
can I make my own choices, What about if its not the right one ?
As a young mandinka daughter, learning to unlearn the codependent behavior and growing to become an independent lady can be hard a-times. But through these struggles,
thats when we truly grow.
So I try, try to stop myself when I want to ask
"what color should I buy, what style should I sew, should I eat cereal or bagel"
I am trying, I go out alone to run errands, I go out and shop alone and
the long drives alone
but I enjoy the drives,
perhaps because I talk so much to myself during car rides and its therapeutic for me. But I guess I've to keep trying, keep reaching for the level of independency I am desiring, until it becomes my norm.
Codependency is beautiful, but we are our own people, uniquely different in our own beautiful ways, and there are times where we just need to get our baggage bagged and take on a different route for ourselves. Sometimes you need to change your norm, need to grow outside your box, outside that norm, struggle and make mistakes and learn from them and keep building the person you want to be. We will go through many stages before we become the person we're meant to be, for now
" we are all a work in progress"
and
Thats okay... I am okay with that ..
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