The Journey

I am only 19 and I have had more ustadhs than most people would in their lifespan. As a child, we switched alot of ustadhs, mostly because the quranic teacher had to go seek knowledge or leave due to personal reasons and someone else would come in.

Alhamdulilah all throughout growing up my parents made sure I and my siblings always had a Quran teacher. Somewhere around age 12, 13 or so, we changed to a new one and alhamdulilah he still teaches my siblings back home.

One would think with a stable Ustadh I would really be serious and have learnt so many surahs, but thats contrary to the reality. I was never serious with the classes, astagfirulah but as a kid I really was not, I began memorizing the Quran because my Quran teacher would really beat us if one did not memorize their lesson. At a point, I was like "the nerve he has to come to my house and beat me" but of cause I still memorized because my parents wouldn't stop him.

SubhanAllah, a year or two passed and I got use to him, and then the excuses started, the unseriousness creeped in and I was not even bothered. May Allah have mercy on me. When I started learning more about the deen later on, close to the start of high school, I joined other Quran classes but with school and everything I never really prioritized it and never understood its importance up until I was about to move here. Moving here as well, I switched about 2 ustadha and had multiple on and off classes and the crazy part is I cant tell you guys how many times I have repeated Juz Amma ( the 30th Juz which is from Surah NAS). With every Teacher I had to start again and with my current one I had to even start from the beginning with Arabic letters which was the first year I moved.

And now, I am filled with so much regret and so much desire to learn the Quran, May Allah guide me, but I regret all the time I wasted back home not memorizing the Quran, I had so much luxury to have a whole Quran teacher come to me. Now I yearn for face to face classes, for long Quran classes and wallah I wouldn't mind the scolds and beating. I yearn so much for a real Quran class setting but Alhamdulilah, you truly appreciate things when its no longer there. Alhamdulilah I never gave up on my hifz journey, and I pray I never give up. Memorizing Quran is not the easiest, I am struggling, a-times I make mistakes in the the smallest surah, I can struggle with reading an Aya for so long, battling with my fluency and tajweed. Recently, I was memorizing this surah, I struggled so much that I almost gave up but its a never ending journey and with determination, love and the right intentions we will surely get there.

I am sharing a bit of my hifz journey to you all in hopes that someone would learn from my mistakes, in hopes that I can reach out to someone. Its never too late to memorize the Quran, you are never too busy for it, the beauty is in the struggles of the journey. Set your right intentions, set your goals and start from somewhere, get a teacher and start your journey. It does not matter how many times you repeat the same juz, it doesn't matter if you are way behind than your friends, it doesn't matter because its your journey, it doesn't matter if you are in your 20s and you have to start again, what matters is that you are trying and Allah loves does who put effort. So show up, be sincere, be determined, be consistent and in shaa Allah, you will get there. I hope Allah grants us all the ability to become hafiz and hafizah of the Quran.

Prioritize your religion, prioritize Allah in your life and he will set your affairs straight.

Much Love,

take care of yourself.

Day15.