Self Hate

I am fully not in charge of natural causes

so yes maybe I am in charge of what goes in my tummy

but am so sorry if having a good appetite is a bad norm

if gaining weight is suppose to be a taboo

and my weight and my body affects you more than it affects me.

Society has its set of people who are deemed as perfect.

Now I can no longer look at myself, because every time I look into the mirror I see the fats showing in all the wrong places, the stretch marks decorating my body in a hideous fashion.

Yet my insecurity cant stop me from scrolling through my instagram feed filled with exemplary models everyday.

Down from her perfect long hair, medium size boobs, perfectly flat stomach with a tiny waist,

all the way to the faultless figure.

I simply take a deep sigh and exhale an air of self piety and worthlessness as my facial expression drops with the thought of my own flawed body.

Everyday you laugh and tell me that I am way too huge,

I smile and laugh with you,

then sit back again minutes later scrolling down my list of weight lost pills to order some more.

My cupboard filled with various bottles of these pills,

as I keep popping them in my system and overdosing myself,

Yet perfection I cannot attain.

I spend hours at the gym and as the sweat passes down through my body and face,

mixing with my tears,

I silently whisper to "just be perfect"

With so much hassle to be flawless,

I am left home most nights alone, empty and starving

craving for nothing but perfection, which is far beyond my reach.

I am oversized teen that society wants to get rid off.

Yet I loathe myself more than the world does.

Side note -

I was inspired to write this piece,

however, I just want to say that,

you are all beautiful and you should never let insecurity weigh you down.

Chin up and love the body you are in,

the beautiful soul inside matters far more .