It is 7:30pm,
I am sitting outside, with my picnic colored mat,
and the sun is setting while the birds are chirping, flying freely and it is so serene.
Occasionally I get disturbed by my neighbors dog barking for reasons known only to this creature and I want to get annoyed at him but I decided not to "today".
Sometime this week, this dog barked so much I was having an argument with him
* like shut up,* * whatever you go on* * I aint even go listen * lol
I was really trying to do my assignment and this dog was all up in my business
but today I allowed it or him or her (bruh I don't even know )
Its been almost two months since I last posted a blog and probably longer than that since I have written a blog material on here, ( with the exception of this one time where I wrote three long stuff on the back of my report sheet papers on my clinical shift and then had the nerve to ask the unit front desk lady if she had an extra paper.. umm so I guess I wrote more than 3 long stuff )
POINT IS - its been a while and I have definitely not been consistent at all for a really long time but I am not here to give a reason for why I am gone - * silently whispers sorry*
Its 7:40 right now,
I keep staring outside and taking in every moment while I type,
it is so serene, so quiet and still - 'stillness' - I yearn for that so many times now
The birds are still chirping and I am laughing right now and smiling and idk why
but they are making so much noise, flying so unbothered and freely and wouldn't it be nice if we too lived life unbothered and freely- free from what other people think, others opinions and assumptions.
wouldn't it be nice if we too could do the same - take as much space as we can, make as much noise as we can and just live freely. * I hear you saying yes or nodding * anyone works.
30 minutes ago or less - a guy came in, with his truck and got into my neighbors house, his car was parked out for too long, and he was in and out too much and I suddenly became scared. Honestly I became afraid the moment we saw each other - a sudden thought flashed - like what if this guy just comes out and shoots me - what if you know
reality - he came to fix something and when he was leaving i saw the appliances behind the truck and * I should've been assuming good of everyone *
but my good friend said last week - " If you think everyone has the same heart as you, yhow rk Yai sornah " and that was so true and as much as I wish it wasn't - there is just so much evil happening to ignore that it exist.
This is home for me right now, but its funny how no matter how long you spend in another mans country, its just never really home- home asin a safe haven. This place however, is a safe haven for me, I am with family, evolving and alhamdulilah but moments like earlier make me wonder - would I have ever thought like this if I was sitting in the backyard of my house back home ( lets just imagine I've a backyard there lol).
I used to say a lot before this week that there is no where safer than my home
but now I am even scared of that home - I saw and I am guessing most of you have seen the inhumane thing that was done to a young girl & guy in her own home - and that was her safe haven. It scares me that I have my little sisters running round there, and I am no longer sure how safe they are, my feeble grandparents, my parents, I mean my entire lineage ! the thought is terrifying... Most people - family or friends I know are Gambian, most are in Gambia and thats all they know, thats home - thats their safe haven - but what happens when home no longer feels like home - what happens when the warmth is snatched away from you , what then do we grow up in - how then do we raise those kids - and It breaks my heart - where has the love gone ? where has the mercy gone that such merciless things are happening in our home. Where are we meant to go to if not home ...
I am an over thinker, a sensitive, reflective, evolving being.
The birds are chirping more and more
this motorcycle nearby is speeding so fast like its not just small ole hays,
its almost time for the sun to completely set ,
almost time for me to go back In doors if I still want any blood circulation in my fingers
its still serene, its still, its beautiful,
I am still heartbroken about this whole thing,
Yet at peace and in tune with nature
its 8:00 and
You just realized how many things run in my mind at the same time.
xxxx
most unofficial blog but I love it
Got this journal entry idea from miles Carter on youtube - check him out
and if you want more journal entries lmk.
love you - May Allah keep us protected and grant us all ease in our different affairs.
sending you Love and positivity!
ps - make the best of Ramadan & may Allah make us reach it and exert our efforts in it.
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