MIA

'I don't want to be a disappoint'

'I have come too far to quit'

Words I remind myself on a daily on the multiple times I hit rock bottom,

these words of affirmation play in my head and it keeps me going.

I mask up with these words ,

yet deep down I know there is more to what's keeping me going.

Yes I don't want to be a disappoint and yes I have come just too close to the end to call it quit

but the main thing pushing me is my heart,

I have fallen in love,

they say when the heart finds what it wants,

it knows, it recognizes and acknowledges it and holds on it,

"when the heart wants it, you feel it",

and those words, I never understood it,

up until my battle to get into my program started.

Nursing school is tough and getting into the program is very hard

my last semester before getting accepted,

I though I was walking on coals,

my family and friends can attest,

fear, anxiety and uncertainty was creeping in everyday,

and after the long nights and days',

I made it.

I knew the program was hard, I knew I was gonna get kicked right and center,

I thought I was mentally prepared, but I don't think I still am.

The coals weren't on fire, because now I feel the my feet bruising as I walk through,

but I don't see myself doing anything else but this.

Starting my program as we are experiencing a pandemic,

is not making the process any easier.

It is hard, tiring, exhausting mentally and physically

like I literary recently just realized I cant stand straight, literary lol,

but I need duas, to finish this semester smoothly.

I cant say I will be consistent with blogging,

but I will try and show up, and give good content.

for now, I am just figuring out how to balance nursing school and the other aspects of my life.

------- xxx

from yours sincerely,

a fraustrated, happy student nurse '